I'm in medical school. Medicine is typically viewed as a male dominated profession. I'm an Officer in the Army, also a very male dominated profession. My very sweet husband is as masculine as they come, and my two best friends are also males. Sometimes I think the only thing keeping me at all female is my sweet little Zoe, and even she is a Tom-boy. I think being interested in so many things male oriented is a huge testament to my personality. Looking at the people I surround myself with and the career and life choices I have made, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I demand to be treated equal to my male colleagues/peers.
Sometimes this is hard for men to understand, and I'm immediately labeled "bitchy". In my opinion that is inaccurate, and bitchy could be replaced with "confident in my abilities" or "not intimidated by your penis". I recently read a blog post quoting Proverbs, and what it means to be a good wife. At first I was interested, but by the end I found myself infuriated by what I was reading. To me, it just seemed ridiculous! The idea of waking up before dawn to make my husband breakfast, making my own clothes, or having to "enjoy knitting and sewing" to be a good wife is a joke.
I can't speak for other women, but for myself, those are unrealistic standards. Mr married me because I'm stubborn, strong willed, dedicated and confident in my abilities as a person and a woman. I am no less of a woman or any worse of a wife because I buy my clothes from the store or make breakfast with my husband instead of for my husband. Hubster fell in love with me because of the unique characteristics that make me who I am, regardless of my housekeeping skills. Mr is my partner in life. He is the man who will stand next to me, never behind or in front of me. When I read things like the Proverbs story, or that women still abide by those standards, it makes me so sad. It makes me feel like they are comfortable standing behind their men. It IS POSSIBLE to give your loved ones all the support and encouragement they could ever need
next to them, as an equal, and not as lesser human being.
I am no less a person than my husband. I love my husband with every single ounce of my being, and I know that he is the very greatest person I have ever known. But I will not respect myself any less than I respect him. I love cooking Mr breakfast, but sometimes its nice to sleep in and have Mr cook me breakfast, or even better, wake up to cook together. . I have never minded doing housework, but there is nothing in my DNA that says I have to do all the housework while he relaxes. Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I put great value in improving my patience, kindness, and support, as well as believe in always trying to improve myself. But I don't think "trying to be perfect" is the right answer.
I think Proverbs uses one example to show a unique set of characteristics that make that fictitious character a good wife for her particular husband. But that is just one blueprint of one type of women, and there are millions of different kinds of women out there, and millions of men that are looking for women that possess something different than just those particular skills. What that reading describes is not the "perfect woman", which I believe to be misquoted constantly, she is the "Domestic Goddess". Where the disconnect falls with me, is where all women think that the Domestic Goddess characteristics are what they have to possess to be successful or worth something. You are perfect. You are perfect in your shortcomings, mistakes, flaws and attributes alike. God made you who you are for a reason! Each characteristic that you possess is unique to you, and that is
beautiful. I don't think there is anything wrong with working to be the Domestic Goddess, but I don't believe at all, that those are the only qualities that make you a good wife or partner!
I hope that no woman or girl reads that text and lets it diminish their self worth one bit. Maybe that woman is really good at sewing on buttons, but can she perform a total knee replacement like some women I know? Can she lead a team of 20 soldiers onto a battlefield with every single one depending on her to come out safe, like other women I know? Does her husband look at her with the same respect he feels when he looks in the mirror?
I bet not.
I think what you lack in cooking ability, maybe you make up for in a little extra spunk or creativity. The extra attitude you have might make you really determined and strong willed.
I hope that reading this helps you feel
empowered and
beautiful and
confident. I hope it makes you proud to be the amazing woman, man, or something in between, that you are!!
This picture empowers me! It makes me feel strong, fierce, and capable!
This one too! That's me and the Mr!
Love Love LOVE rafting the Gauley River in West Virginia!
What empowers you??
Clarification:
***I would also like to ensure no one is getting the wrong idea. I don't think there is anything wrong with staying home with your family. I think in fact, the women that don't stay home are constantly feeling the pressures to do more to take care of their families, and less to pursue a career. I'm sure everyone feels pressures to do something or not do something differently. What I was trying to stress here is that each person has a set of gifts that they should be proud of. And no matter if your gifts are cooking and raising kids, or maintaining an ER, you should be proud of those gifts, and work to do your very best at them! I don't think it is wrong to stay home and be a wonderful wife and mother, but I also know that it is NOT wrong to pursue a career! Sometimes its hard to hear over and over and over that "I am going to be missing out on so much", or "what does your husband think about you working...", or "oh... you are going to have to work... that's so sad.." It gets old, hurtful, and frustrating, and I know you ladies feel the same crappy pressure to be somebody that you are not, no matter what those pressures are!
I hope today you can soar above the pressures and be proud of whatever role you fill!!
Hope that clarifies!
