Short lived

After setting up this blog, I realized it wasn't exactly what I had in mind... for now at least.  So instead of blogging here, I have been blogging at everydayhealth.com  .  I believe this is more of what I was looking for... for now at least lol.  If you are interested in gaining a more healthy mind or body, exercise, nutrition, and many other great resources, maybe you should check it out too! 

Good luck to all,
Hope you have a spooky and treat filled weekend,
Jess

Still Kicking

So I'm still kicking, even though I'm apparently not blogging.  After 7 straight rainy days, it only figures that the weekend before the neuro written would be 80 degrees, sunny and without a cloud in the sky.

Things to do:
Learn 6 weeks of neuro in 3 days
Continue exercising
Hold it together! 
             If I hold it together and am properly prepared for the test, I get to go shopping next weekend with the ladies.

Gulp. Here comes the longest weekend of the year so far.

Have a beautiful weekend! 

See you in a few days! 

Are you doing this to glorify yourself or to glorify God?

Today I made the most delicious smelling creme brulee coffee.  As I was impatiently waiting for it to finish brewing, the sunshine that was streaming in my window was blocked for just one instant.  I leaned forward and looked into our backyard, up toward the tippy tops of the trees to find one beautiful yellow leaf blocking out the only ray of sunshine to find itself into our whole house.  It was 50 feet up, at least, and falling so gracefully toward the ground little by little.  I watched it make its journey, into its final resting place 10 feet from our window. 

As I watched the leaf fall lower, I could feel my stress lift higher. 

This morning we read the second chapter of "Crazy Love" By: Frances Chan for our Sunday school class.  The chapter was all about stress and worry being a sign of arrogance.  God has the master plan not you, not me.  After we read the chapter by a dying fire in the living room, I gave my days worries to God.  They are not in my control, and all I can do...is my best. 

It was so strange too, when I watched that leaf fall... I detoured away from my perfect and comfy spot on the couch, in between by sleeping husband and cuddling dog, and got my notes out of the office.  It no longer felt like a chore to study.  I wanted to.  I was ready to start down this long road, and suddenly I wasn't overwhelmed. 

Pictures of my backyard to come.  It is getting prettier and prettier by the day! 

Happy Sunday!! 

PS. Big and Tall, if you would happen to read this, last night was so much fun! Thanks for the cider! Next time we are all carving pumpkins!!!  (Now you are even :) )

Blah Blah Blah

I just calculated how far behind I am... 22 lectures behind.  Oh man.  I knew that I was busy doing other things, but I didn't realize how busy I was until I calculated out this number.

Since my practical is one week from Tuesday, and my Written is two weeks from Monday.. I have some work ahead of me. 

My goal (maybe I will stick to it if I actually write it down):
1. Get through weeks 1 and 2 of lectures this weekend. Plus 2 stops to the anatomy lab
2. Monday get through weeks 3 of lectures: plus one stop in the lab
3. Tuesday night and Wednesday night: get through week 4 of lectures: 2 stops in lab
4. Thursday and Friday: anatomy, pathology, radiology, and histology reviews: 2 stops in lab
5. Saturday and  Sunday: Review weeks 5: 1 long stop in lab
6. Monday: Anatomy, pathology, radiology, and histology reviews: one short stop in lab to review
7. Tuesday night after practical: Start reviewing week 1
8. Wednesday: week 2
9. Thursday: week 3
10. Friday: week 4
11. Saturday: weeks 5 and 6
12. Sunday: review material for Monday afternoon written exam.  If I could get through every single lecture one more time on Sunday, I would buy myself a new outfit! Shoes, top, pants, and matching accessories! 

Alright Mrs.  Back to work!!!
Hope you are having an amazing weekend! Enjoy the last bit of your September!

PS. Miss Weenie Pants is cuddling me while I'm studying/ blogging.  The chilly air here is keeping her close by!

Older and Wiser

Love my family!  Wish you were here little brother! Hope you have an awesome night in Michigan.

The Birthday Buddies!!  Happy birthday Matt and Tete!

My Favorite picture from the reception.  The third kid from the left...the one who is running away and dry heaving.. yes! That is my little brother!!

Happy Birthday to the very greatest little brother I could ask for!  I love you kid!  Wish we could be there with you today!!


Missing my family on their very special days!


Happy Birthday Teter!  We miss you and we love you! Hope you enjoy your flights today!

I am the luckiest big sister and niece you could ever hope to meet!

Missing days like this!

Or days like this... minus the copper head attack (story to come)

Love you guys always!

Clarification

So before I even started blogging, my friends and I talked about the concept of "Domestic Goddess"! It was a favorite coffee shop topic in fact.  I couldn't wait to blog about it, and found the perfect opportunity a few days ago.  I just wanted to add a little clarification to what I already wrote.  It is important to me that nobody thinks I'm trying to say their lifestyle is wrong, rather, I was trying to say that my lifestyle is NOT wrong.  So, here is my clarification.  Maybe this helps to better express what I was trying to say in my very. very. very long winded post.  Dusty Pants, thank you for always making me think about this shit! Can't wait for our next girl talk date.

Clarification:

***I would also like to ensure no one is getting the wrong idea. I don't think there is anything wrong with staying home with your family. I think in fact, the women that don't stay home are constantly feeling the pressures to do more to take care of their families, and less to pursue a career. I'm sure everyone feels pressures to do something or not do something differently. What I was trying to stress here is that each person has a set of gifts that they should be proud of. And no matter if your gifts are cooking and raising kids, or maintaining an ER, you should be proud of those gifts, and work to do your very best at them! I don't think it is wrong to stay home and be a wonderful wife and mother, but I also know that it is NOT wrong to pursue a career! Sometimes its hard to hear over and over and over that "I am going to be missing out on so much", or "what does your husband think about you working...", or :" that doesn't leave much time for raising a family properly" or  "oh... you are going to have to work... that's so sad.." It gets old, hurtful, and frustrating, and I know you ladies feel the same crappy pressure to be somebody that you are not, no matter what those pressures are!

I hope today you can soar above the pressures and can be proud of whatever role you fill!!

Hope that clarifies!

Have a happy Monday!

The Early Bird Gets the Worm... Or Rained On.

This morning I didn't hit the snooze button, didn't sip my coffee, and didn't snuggle my Z in my warm bed.  I got up at 5:55am, put on my shoes, woke Zoe up (yes, in fact my dog is like a teenager and you must gently pull her from the covers and lift her lifeless little body out of bed if you actually want her to get up, if not, she just runs right back in bed)  had walked her, ran my typical morning route, and stretched my legs all before 7:00am.  It feels great to get that out of the way before I have to head to class. 

Yesterday we went to church after Mr and I had our little blow up.  I was SOOO ANGRY.  I didn't want to sit by him in Sunday School, didn't want to look at him, and didn't want to worship with him NO WAY.  When we sat down, Dr. Amops, a professor at the medical school and a great friend and spiritual mentor, started reading 1 Corinthians:

"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ....

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

What are the odds that we would read that particular message on that particular Sunday morning.  I sat in my seat next to my husband trying not to cry in front of my friends. I had whiplash from my immediate change in emotion.  I have never been so angry, then so so so very sorry in that incredibly short time.  We left after Sunday School, I didn't think I could sit through a whole service, and in fact, I couldn't even make it to the car before the water works started. 

I was being proud.  I was being stubborn. I was not being very patient. I was self-seeking.  I felt like a gigantic ass hole.  And by the time I got home at 11:00am, I felt like I had just ran an emotional ultra marathon. I spent the rest of the afternoon numb.  Thinking about what I was going to do next about my ILs.

When dealing with Mr's family, I feel like there are two distinct Me's:

 1. The proud independent woman who refuses to let his family walk all over me and treat me and Mr like we don't matter.  She won't buy into their selfish ways.  She won't be bothered with people who can't show her even the tiniest ounce of respect.  She refuses to listen to their criticisms of her life with her new husband.  She refuses to compromise on who she is to make MIL more comfortable. Afterall, its her problem if she is intimidated by proud independent Mrs.  She won't apologize again.  The first time the other me apologized, MIL said "You should be sorry" and never reciprocated an apology... MIL doesn't deserve another apology after that. 

2. Then there is the girl who only wants to make everyone happy.  She wants to tell my ILs that it is OK if they don't show respect to me, because I know it makes them uncomfortable.  She wants to apologize again, telling them she never meant to draw such a thick line in the sand. She wants to say its ok that you tried to ruin my wedding week with your misbehaving, because it must have been so so hard to watch your first son get married.  Its ok that you spread viscious lies about me, because you were feeling insecure and I wasn't, and you couldn't take that.  I understand that you have never had to deal with someone like me, or someone who wouldn't follow your every instruction, and that must be tough.  I will forgive you.  I will forgive.

I could go on and on.  There is the great divide taking place in my head.  The emotions surrounding Mr's family have reached an all time high.  Just bringing up their names now sends me into a whirlwind of tears and hurt feelings.  Its really quite embarassing.  I'm working on it.  I'm trying my very very hardest to forgive them, because I don't think I can move past this until I figure out how to forgive. 

In the end, I don't think the emotions I'm feeling have anything to do with me.  I don't need his family, I lived 20 years without them, and did just fine.  But Mr needs them.   I have watched Mr's family, all 4 of them, take advantage of Mr for the last 5 years.  They make huge demands of him and can't reciprocate.  They watch him bend over backwards time and time again, but when he needs them most, can never take time to be there for him.  Mr has come to terms with this.  He says that he doens't rely on them anymore, he just appreciates the time he can spend with them.  He doesn't look to them for support or encouragement, because he finds that elsewhere. I can't accept this for some reason.  I don't feel like its good enough.  He deserves as much love and respect or support and encouragement as he gives... and his family just doens't cut it.  I'm working on it. I'm going to work with Dr. and Mrs. Amops from church, to get past this.  To forgive. 

If you have any advice on how to start this incredibly hard process, I would love to hear your thoughts.  I've never met anyone going through anything like this, and I really don't know where to begin. 

Happy Monday!